Frank Zappa-You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol 1 [1988]

You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 (Zappa, 2CD, Rykodisc RCD 10081/82, May 9, 1988) disc 1 1. The Florida Airport Tape (Volman/Kaylan/FZ) 1:03 2. Once Upon A Time 4:37 3. Sofa #1 2:53 4. The Mammy Anthem 5:41 5. You Didn't Try To Call Me 3:39 6. Diseases of The Band 2:22 7. Tryin' To Grow A Chin 3:44 8. Let's Make The Water Turn Black / Harry, You're A Beast / The Orange County Lumber Truck 3:28 9. The Groupie Routine 5:41 10. Ruthie-Ruthie (Brock/Berry) 2:57 11. Babbette 3:35 12. I'm The Slime 3:13 13. Big Swifty 8:47 14. Don't Eat The Yellow Snow 20:16 disc 2 1. Plastic People (FZ/Berry) 4:38 2. The Torture Never Stops 15:48 3. Fine Girl 2:55 4. Zomby Woof 5:39 5. Sweet Leilani (Owens) 2:39 6. Oh No 4:34 7. Be In My Video 3:29 8. The Deathless Horsie 5:29 9. The Dangerous Kitchen 1:49 10. Dumb All Over 4:20 11. Heavenly Bank Account 4:05 12. Suicide Chump 4:56 13. Tell Me You Love Me 2:09 14. Sofa #2 3:01 Produced, arranged, compiled and edited by Frank Zappa Recording engineers: FZ, Mark Pinske, Mick Glossop, Dick Kunc, Barry Keene, Brian Krokus, Kerry McNab, Davey Moire Remix engineers: Bob Stone, Mick Glossop Remix facility: UMRK disc 1 1. The Florida Airport Tape 1:03 (Volman/Kaylan/FZ) An airport in Florida June, 1970 FZ--voice Mark Volman--voice Howard Kaylan--voice Jeff Simmons--voice Aynsley Dunbar--voice Unknown Guy--voice (whistling) Wha . . . Mark: Can I just ask some, any, everybody here, did anybody see me puke on stage? (Guy: What you doin', tourin' the country?) Howard: No, did you ? (Jeff: Yeah.) Mark: I puked on stage (Jeff: We started with San Antonio last night.) Howard: You puked on stage? (Jeff: . . . And then Atlanta, Tallahassee, Orlando, and then Jacksonville, and then we're doin' Europe. We have a few days off. We have about twenty days off [...] ) Mark: I did, man. I was sing . . . right in the middle of singin' "Easy Meat" or somethin', an' all of a sudden I started pukin' outta my mouth an' I just put my hand over my mouth, an' I had . . . Howard: Ohhhh . . . Outta sight! Aynsley: You didn't get it on film? . . . is that in slow motion . . . (Guy: [...] pretty good.) Mark: I thought you guys all caught that, man. (Jeff: My name's Jeff.) I got really sick from, you, know, all that jumpin' around and stuff . . . an' all that scotch and wine. Just weird, I only did it for about a second, y'know? (Guy: Oh!) Mark: It was just like a little spew. (Guy: California? Jeff: L.A., man.) I kinda shoved it back down my throat and went on singin' FZ: Great. Howard: Phew . . . Yeah, that is strange, man. Ratso Rizzo FZ: He saved it because he might be hungry later. Howard: Eewwww . . . get the big pieces! 2. Once Upon A Time 4:37 Rainbow Theatre, London, UK December 10, 1971 FZ--guitar/vocal Mark Volman--vocal Howard Kaylan--vocal Jim Pons--bass/vocal Don Preston--keyboards/electronics Ian Underwood--keyboards/alto sax Aynsley Dunbar--drums translation FZ: Once upon a time, way back a long time ago, when the universe consisted of nothing more elaborate than Mark Volman . . . Mark: Ohh, thank you, Frank. And don't misspell it, that's not Marc Bolan, that's Mark Volman. Hiya, friends! I wanna welcome each an' every one of ya, I wanna say to you tonight, I feel great. I mean, I feel great! Everywhere I go people are always comin' up to me, and they say, "Mark . . . Mark, Mark" (Mark! Mark! Mark!) Mark: "Mark, are you kidding?" Lemme tell you this, friends: I AM NOT KIDDING. I mean, I am portly, and I am maroon. Well, how many people here tonight can guess what I am? FZ: I . . . don't Howard: I can't guess what you are. Jim: Not me Mark: Well, then I'll give you some clues. And the first clue is, I AM PORTLY. Does that help? FZ: Not Much Howard: No, I don't know who you are Mark: OK, I got one. Clue number two: I AM DOUBLE KNIT. That helped? FZ: No, not much Howard: What do you mean? Mark: Ahem; well then, I have to give you one more clue, I know this is gonna give it away and hate like damn to tell you this, but clue number three, ICH BIN MAROON. Howard: Ahhhh, you're a Sofa! FZ: Way back a long time ago, when the universe consisted of nothing more elaborate than Mark Volman . . . Mark: Thank you, Frank FZ: . . . trying to convince each and every member of this extremely hip audience here tonight that he was nothing more, nothing less, than a fat, maroon sofa, suspended in the midst of a great emptiness, a light shined down from Heaven. And there he was, ladies and gentlemen, the Good Lord, and he took a . . . he took a look at the sofa, and he said to himself: "Quite an attractive sofa. This sofa could be commercial . . . " Mark: Thank you, Frank, hiya friends FZ: " . . . with a few more margaritas and the right company. However, I digress. What this sofa needs," said the Big G., "is a bit of FLOORING underneath of it." And so, in order to make this construction project possible, he summoned the assistance of the celestial choir of engineers and, by means of a cute little song in the German language, which is the way he talks whenever it's Heavy Business, the Good Lord went something like this, take it away, Jim Pons: Gib zu mir etwas Fußbodenbelag (Hey!) Unter diesen fetten, fließenden Sofa (Everybody!) Gib zu mir etwas Fußbodenbelag Unter diesen fetten, fließenden Sofa FZ: And of course, ladies and gentlemen, that means, "Give unto me a bit of flooring under this fat, floating sofa." And sure enough, boards of oak appeared thoughout the emptiness as far as vision permits, stretching all the way from Belfast to Bognor Regis. And the Lord put aside his huge cigar and proceeded to deliver unto the charming maroonish sofa the bulk of his message, with the assistance of a small electric clarinet, and it went something like this: 3. Sofa #1 2:53 * One Size Fits All * Zappa In New York * You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 * The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life Rainbow Theatre, London, UK December 10, 1971 FZ--guitar/vocal Mark Volman--vocal Howard Kaylan--vocal Jim Pons--bass/vocal Don Preston--keyboards/electronics Ian Underwood--keyboards/clarinet Aynsley Dunbar--drums translation YEAH! Ich bin der Himmel Ich bin das Wasser (I am the sky and the water) Ich bin der Dreck unter deinen Walzen Ich bin dein geheimer Schmutz Und verlorenes Metallgeld Metallgeld! Unter deine Ritze Ich bin deine Ritze und Schlitze Ich bin Wolken Ich bin bestickt Ich bin der Autor aller Felgen Und Damast Paspeln Ich bin der Chrome Dinette Ich bin der Chrome Dinette Ich bin Eier aller Arten Ich bin alle Tage und Nächte Ich bin alle Tage und Nächte Ich bin hier Und du bist mein Sofa (AIEE-AH!) Ich bin hier Und du bist mein Sofa (AIEE-AH!) Ich bin hier Und du bist mein Sofa Eddie, are you kidding me? Eddie, are you kidding me? Eddie, are you kidding me? 4. The Mammy Anthem 5:41 * Thing-Fish Stadio Communale, Palermo, Sicily July 14, 1982 FZ--lead guitar Ray White--guitar Steve Vai--stunt guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax Ed Mann--percussion Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums 5. You Didn't Try To Call Me 3:39 * Freak Out! * The MOFO Project/Object (fazedooh) * The MOFO Project/Object * Cruising With Ruben & The Jets Olympiahalle, Munich, Germany July 3, 1980 FZ--guitar/vocal Ike Willis--guitar/vocal Ray White--guitar/vocal Tommy Mars--keyboards Arthur Barrow--keyboards/bass David Logeman--drums You didn't try to call me, why didn't you try? I'm so lonely No matter who I take home, I keep calling your name And you, (I need you so bad) you're the one babe Tell me, tell me who's lovin' you now 'Cause it worries my mind and I can't sleep at all I stayed home on Friday just to wait for your call And you didn't try to call me Why didn't you try, I'm so lonely No matter who I take home, I keep calling your name And you, (I need you so bad) You're the one babe Tell me, tell me who's lovin' you now 'Cause it worries my mind and I can't sleep at all I stayed home on Friday just to wait for your call I can't say what's wrong or what's right La la-la-la la, la la-la-la la All you've gotta do-do-do is call me babe La la-la-la la, la la-la-la la You make me feel so excited girl I got so hung up on you from the moment that we met That no matter how I try, I can't keep the tears From running down my face I'm all alone at my place You didn't try to call me You didn't try to call me at all . . . (didja, buddy?) didja? You didn't try to call me You didn't try to call me at all . . . didja? You didn't try to call me You didn't try to call me at all . . . didja? You didn't try to call me You didn't try to call me at all . . . or didja? 6. Diseases Of The Band 2:22 includes a quote from Wet T-Shirt Nite Hammersmith Odeon, London, UK February 19, 1979 FZ--guitar/vocal Ike Willis--guitar/vocal Denny Walley--slide guitar/vocal Warren Cuccurullo--guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards/vocal Peter Wolf--keyboards Ed Mann--percussion Arthur Barrow--bass Vinnie Colaiuta--drums/voice FZ: Howdy, folks. Alright, here's the deal: This is our last show here in London. Gee, it's gonna be tough. Got a few-a few of the boys are sick tonight (cough, cough) but they're still gonna . . . GIVE YOU THEIR ALL. I want to introduce you to the members of the rocking teenage combo and tell you which ones are sick and what they've got. Denny Walley on slide and vocals, he has, he has an aluminum finger, and we're gonna have that removed a little bit later in the show. This is Ike Willis. Ike has a . . . now Ike, Ike is our, uh lead vocalist, our dynamic male vocalist, he's got a sore throat and all sorts of other things wrong with him, he'll never be able to get through the show. The only thing he's got to take care of him is his knitted hat. And of course, Tommy Mars who also has stomach flu, on keyboards. Eh, do you have any other diseases, Tommy? No? He's available. Okay. Ed Mann on percussion. Ed is still healthy. Except, and he told me this backstage, except for his mental health, which he hasn't been doin' . . . but you have to expect theses things in this kind of a group. And Peter Wolf on keyboards. There's, there apparently is nothing wrong with Peter yet. Band Member #1: He's got stomach flu too. FZ: You have stomach flu too? Ooh, my goodness. Band Member #2: He has intestinal flu. Band Member #3: The keyboard disease. Band Member #1: They're coming up here . . . FZ: The circle is closing in. Okay, Vince Colaiuta on drums. Now, as you can see from looking at Vince, there is absolutely nothing wrong with him. Band Member #2: Malnutrition. Vinnie: Hey, c'mon. I'm workin' on it. FZ: Arthur Barrow, our bass player, he's got a, he's having a lot of trouble, he's been very sick all day, missed the soundcheck and everything, but he's gonna try, he's gonna try really hard. And of course, Sophia Warren on guitar. 7. Tryin' To Grow A Chin 3:44 * Läther * Sheik Yerbouti * You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6 includes a quote from Wooly Bully (Samudio) Hammersmith Odeon, London, UK February 18, 1979, 2nd show FZ--guitar/vocals Ike Willis--guitar/vocals Denny Walley--slide guitar/lead vocals Warren Cuccurullo--guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards/vocals Peter Wolf--keyboards Ed Mann--percussion Arthur Barrow--bass Vinnie Colaiuta--drums Hey! I'm only fourteen Sickly 'n thin Tried all of my life Just to grow me a chin It popped out once Yeah, but my dad pushed it in Tell me, why did he hurt me? Lord, he's my next of kin . . . He's a mex-i-kin I'm lonely 'n green; Too small for my shirt If Simmons was here I could feature my hurt Scared of the future 'N I hope I don't grow Hey listen, I know nobody likes me 'Cause everywhere I go They say NO They say NO They say NO Agh! They say NO Now that I'm older I got a place in the town, babe I got a chin on my shoulder 'N it keeps growing down down down Scared of the future 'N I wish I was dead (Mattie told Hattie . . . ) Oh . . . I'd rather be dead instead Shit! I'd rather be dead instead Now dig this: I'd rather be dead In bed Please kill me 'Cause that would thrill me (Mattie told Hattie . . . ) I'd rather be dead In bed Please kill me 'Cause that would thrill me I'd rather be dead In bed Please kill me 'Cause that would thrill me I'd rather be dead In bed Please kill me 'Cause that would thrill me I'd rather be dead In bed Please kill me 'Cause that would thrill me I'd rather be dead In bed Please kill me 'Cause that would thrill me One more time for the world! I'd rather be dead In bed Please kill me 'Cause that would thrill me I'd rather be dead In bed Please kill me 'Cause that would thrill me I'd rather be dead In bed Please kill me 'Cause that would thrill me I'd rather be dead In bed Please kill me 'Cause that would thrill me I'm horny 'n lonely too! (Mattie told Hattie About a thing she saw . . . ) 8. Let's Make The Water Turn Black/Harry, You're A Beast/The Orange County Lumber Truck 3:28 * We're Only In It For The Money * Ahead Of Their Time * Make A Jazz Noise Here includes Harry, You're A Beast and The Orange County Lumber Truck The Ballroom, Stratford, Connecticut February 16, 1969 FZ--guitar Lowell George--guitar/güiro Roy Estrada--bass Don Preston--keyboards/electronics Buzz Gardner--trumpet Ian Underwood--alto sax Bunk Gardner--tenor sax Motorhead Sherwood--tambourine Jimmy Carl Black--drums Arthur Dyer Tripp III--drums 9. The Groupie Routine 5:41 * Fillmore East, June 1971 includes a quote from Tell Me You Love Me Pauley Pavillion, UCLA, California August 7, 1971 FZ--guitar/vocal Mark Volman--vocal Howard Kaylan--vocal Jim Pons--bass/vocal Don Preston--keyboards/electronics Ian Underwood--keyboards/alto sax Aynsley Dunbar--drums Mark: I mean really . . . Really! Howard: Rant-ran-n-n-nant rant-rant-rant . . . Mark: I mean, you guys, what can I say, you guys are my favorite band. You gotta tell me something . . . are you here in Hollywood long? I mean, I just . . . Howard: No, I'm uh, we're recording here in town Mark: You're recording? Howard: Yeah, at the Record Plant Mark: The Record Plant. Oh! Howard: Yeah Mark: Bobby Sherman records there. I just love Bobby Sherman, and David Cassidy. Do you know David Cassidy? Howard: No . . . I . . . Mark: Have you ever run into any of the members of the Three Dog Night? Howard: Joe Schermie once, uh . . . Mark: Oh-HHH! They are my favorite band, they're so professional, I mean, so creative . . . How about David Crosby? I mean, he so . . . IN, y'know, I . . . Howard: No, I never . . . Mark: He's . . . he just knows, I mean, he almost cut his hair, but he didn't, well . . . Howard: No, listen, do you know how . . . do you know how to get to the Chateau Marmont from here? Mark: Not exactly, is it by the . . . by the airport? Howard: No, no, we don't . . . we have a bus on this particular thing Mark: Oh! Howard: Yeah Mark: Tell me one thing, do you like my new car? Howard: Oh, yeah, it's a Pavilion, isn't it? Mark: Oh! Not just a Pavilion, it's a Pauley Pavilion Howard: Oh! (Bleagh!) Yeah, it's real futuristic, I like the little naked man turn signals. So, uh . . . we gotta get up, y'know and go to the studio in the morning, and then we record for about two weeks and then we, uh, we leave again FZ: Ha ha ha ha! Mark: Oh really? Where do you play when you go from here? Howard: Uh, let me see . . . NEEDLES Mark: Oh, you guys are so professional! Howard: No, it's nothing . . . Mark: I mean the way you get to travel to . . . Howard: It's a . . . Mark: . . . to all those exotic towns you get to play in, and playin' all these great sounding halls, I mean . . . Howard: I'm immune to it, you know . . . Mark: Tell me something. Do you really have a hit single in the charts now, right now I mean, with a BULLET? That's really important Howard: Listen, baby, would I lie to you just to run my fingers through your pubes? Mark: Don't talk to me that way! Howard: No, what I was saying . . . Mark: I AM NOT A GROUPIE! Howard: I never said you're a . . . Mark: I am not a groupie, neither are my friends here, Jim, and Ian, and Aynsley and Don and Frank, none of us are groupies Howard: Pleased to meet all you girls FZ: Hi, Howie Jim: . . . take for a . . . Mark: Tell 'em, tell 'em, we don't, we aren't groupies Jim: Howard . . . Howard: Yeah Jim: We only like musicians for friends ?: Yeah Howard: That's right Jim: You, you know? You understand? FZ: We still wanna hear your record Mark: And we'd still like to come in your bus Howard: Yeah? Listen now, on the other side of record didn't you say that you get off being juked with a baby octopus and spewed upon with creamed corn, and that your hair-lipped queen-o bass-playing girlfriend with the crossed eyes and the tits on his shirt had to have it with a hot 7-UP bottle or he went UP THE WALL? Mark: Oh, Howie . . . Howard: What's the deal, MAMA? Mark: Howie, all that's true, Howie, and sometimes I even dig it with a Jack-In-The-Box ring job. But Howie, we are not . . . Howard: At last! Mark: We are not groupies, Howie, I told Robert Plant that . . . Howard: Plant-uh? Mark: I told Elton John, I told Steve Stills . . . Howard: Yeah . . . Mark: And he didn't even want to ball me Howard: I can see that. Listen. The thing is, baby, I want some action, yknow? I'm only here for a coupla weeks recording at the Record Plant with the naked statue in the bathroom 'n stuff, I'm horny as fuck. Listen to me. I want a steaming, succulent, juicy, drippy, ever-widening kind of a smelly, slimy, many-folded sort of in-and-out contracting sphincter kind of a hole with a, with a, with a . . . let's see, there's gotta be a way I can put this discreetly . . . FZ: Ha ha ha! Howard: Let's say we hop in the aisle over those guys in the blue and FUCK, BABY! Mark: Hey, hey, hey! I'm in this band, man! I told you that many times. No matter what goes on. Listen, it just so happens tonight . . . I mean, this is unbelievable. Are you a Virgo? Howard: No . . . Mark: I mean it just so happens tonight me and my girlfriends, well we came here lookin' for a guy from a group Howard: Ahhh! Mark: But just not ANY guy from ANY group Howard: Yeah? Mark: We're lookin' for a guy from a group with a DICK! Howard: Well! I can show you . . . Mark: But he's gotta have a dick WHICH IS A MONSTER! WAHHHHH! Howard: That's me! You peeked. That's me, you little Westwood wench nipple queen! Take me, I'm yours, you hole . . . Fulfill my wildest dreams Mark: Oh, oh, oh, anything for you, my most seductive pop star of a man Howard: Yeah? Mark: Picture this if you can . . . Howard: Okay, I'll try Mark: Bead jobs Howard: Bead jobs! Mark: Knotted nylons. Bamboo canes. Three unreleased recordings of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young fighting at the Fillmore East Howard: Oh, no . . . Mark: Two unreleased recordings of . . . of the Grateful Dead sitting in with Mel Torme Howard: Yeah . . . No, I . . . oh, man, oh, I, I just . . . I CAN'T STAND IT! You understand me, baby, I mean . . . I CAN'T STAND IT! I CAN'T STAND IT! I CAN'T STAND IT! [...] ON FIRE! I'M GOING HOME! I GOTTA SEE MY BABY! I'M GONNA LOVE HER SO MUCH! I CAN'T STAND IT! 10. Ruthie-Ruthie 2:57 (Napoleon Murphy Brock/Richard Berry) based on Louie Louie (Richard Berry) Capitol Theatre, Passaic, New Jersey November 8, 1974 FZ--guitar/vocal Napoleon Murphy Brock--sax/lead vocal George Duke--keyboard/vocal Ruth Underwood--percussion Tom Fowler--bass Chester Thompson--drums FZ: I, I can't see you, but I know that you're out there. It's that little voice, that same little voice at all of the concerts, of the guy in the back of the room. It's going, "Weh-ne-heh Hehn-weh-ni-heh-ni-heh. Mini-mini-heh mini-hehn." Coupla years ago, there was a guy that used to come to all the concerts on the East Coast, I swore I heard him every night for a month, there he was somewhere in the audience, an' he would-- it's this little voice, and he would say, "Freak me out, Frank! Freak me out! Freak me out, Frank!" OK, here we go! Arf, arf. "Weh-ne-heh." Arf. Ruthie-Ruthie Where did you go? Oh, Ruthie-Ruthie, yeah yeah yeah wow wow wow wow Where did you go? Last night at Chatham Center Pittsburg, Pennsylvania I wanna tell ya a story Right after Ruth got through barfin' (WO-ULK!) She pushed her tray out the door Xerox men came crashin' in, said Ruthie-Ruthie Where did you go? (What did you do, now what did you do?) Ruthie-Ruthie (Oh yeah) What did you do? (Where did you go, go?) Lookit here! Ruthie had on a thin night gown She wasn't feelin' very well, no no no no She pushed her tray out the door Some guy tried to come in She kicked him in the nuts, He said, "Oh, oh, oh, oh!" Ruthie-Ruthie What did you do? (Now, what did you do? What did you . . . what did you do?) Ruthie-Ruthie (Ruthie-Ruthie, that was the best thing anybody could do) What did you do, now? FZ: Well, we have another song for you that goes far beyond Louie Louie, Ruthie-Ruthie, or even Brian Brian, this song is so advanced it takes us all the way from 1955 directly to approximately 1957, which is when it should have been written, but actually it was written about 1970. This is a song, we'd like to dedicate this song to Marty, our road manager, who has a fondness for the canine species, and the orifice attendant thereto. 11. Babbette 3:35 Capitol Theatre, Passaic, New Jersey November 8, 1974 FZ--guitar/vocal Napoleon Murphy Brock--sax/lead vocal George Duke--keyboard/vocal Ruth Underwood--percussion Tom Fowler--bass Chester Thompson--drums Don't tell me no, Babbette (I mean, Duke) Don't you tear my dream Don't you break my heart Darling, we could share a love so fine Please, doggy Won't you be mine (Hi-aye-hi . . . yah!) Don't tell me no, Babbette Can't you see that I Don't wanna make you cry You're the only one like this before Please, Babbette, it's you I adore! (You I a-do-ore!) Oh-oh! Oh-ow . . . Oh, how I want you I really really want you I need your love to guide my way Oh, oh, oh! Oh, how I need you I really really need you Don't try to bark And I'll take you to the park Arf, Arf, Arf! No, Babbette Don't you tear my dream Don't you break my heart Oh, ah ah! (We could share a love) We . . . (We could share a love) Y'know, (We could share a love) Babbette, (We could share a love) I know I had to go on a tour with Zappa That's what Marty said, he said: But Babbette, Well, y'know, when I need a little bit of your lovin', Babbette I brought along a whistle around my neck So I could call ya, Babbette I said, Whaaa-aaaah-ooooh! Could nobody hear that whistle but Babbette. Oh, it's a strange dog whistle The only dogs that answer are Great Danes, German Shepherds, Doberman pinschers, all Marty's women You know I said, no, no, no, Babbette. Share my love Don't make me cry-y (Don't let me cry) Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, Babbette Share my love Don't make me, don't make me, don't make me cry Oh-ooh-ow-ow-ow well . . . arf, arf, arf, arf, arf Please . . . (it's what Marty say to all his dogs) (FZ: Marty, there's a phone call for you.) Please . . . 12. I'm The Slime 3:13 * Over-Nite Sensation * Zappa In New York The Roxy, Los Angeles, CA December 8-10, 1973 FZ--lead guitar/lead vocal Napoleon Murphy Brock--sax/vocal George Duke--keyboard/vocal Ruth Underwood--percussion Bruce Fowler--trombone Tom Fowler--bass Chester Thompson--drums Ralph Humphrey--drums I'm gross and perverted I'm obsessed 'n deranged I have existed for years But very little has changed I'm the tool of the Government And industry too For I am destined to rule And regulate you I may be vile and pernicious But you can't look away I make you think I'm delicious With the stuff that I say I am the best you can get Have you guessed me yet? Well, I'm the slime oozin' out From your TV set You will obey me while I lead you And eat the garbage that I feed you Until the day that we don't need you Don't go for help . . . no one will heed you Your mind is totally controlled It has been stuffed into my mold And you will do as you are told Until the rights to you are sold, hey That's right, folks . . . Don't touch that dial Well, I am the slime from your video Oozin' along on your livin' room floor I am the slime from your video Can't stop the slime, people, lookit me go I am the slime from your video Oozin' along on your livin' room floor I am the slime from your video Can't stop the slime, people, lookit me go 13. Big Swifty 8:47 * Waka/Jawaka * Wazoo * You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2 * Make A Jazz Noise Here The Roxy, Los Angeles, CA December 8-10, 1973 FZ--lead guitar Napoleon Murphy Brock--sax George Duke--keyboard Ruth Underwood--percussion Bruce Fowler--trombone Tom Fowler--bass Chester Thompson--drums Ralph Humphrey--drums 14. Don't Eat The Yellow Snow 20:16 * Apostrophe (') * Halloween includes Nanook Rubs It, St. Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast, Father O'Blivion and Rollo also includes quotes from Midnight Sun (Hampton/Burke/Mercer), Under Milk Wood (Thomas), Spring Song (Mendelssohn) and Dragnet (Schumann/Rósza) Hammersmith Odeon, London, UK February 18-19, 1979 FZ--guitar/lead vocal Ike Willis--guitar/vocals Denny Walley--slide guitar/vocals Warren Cuccurullo--guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards/lead vocals Peter Wolf--keyboards Ed Mann--percussion Arthur Barrow--bass Vinnie Colaiuta--drums/seal call Dreamed I was an Eskimo Frozen wind began to blow Under my boots 'n around my toe Frost had bit the ground below Was a hundred degrees below zero And my momma cried: You don't really look like an Eskimo That's right, mom! And my momma cried again: You don't really look like an Eskimo I know, mom, but it's a . . . it's a way to earn a living And my momma cried, one more time: You don't really look like an Eskimo Nanook, no no Nanook, no no Don't be a naughty Eskimo, hey! (Get back home with yo' mama That's right, answered the llama) Save your money: don't go to the show Well I turned around an' I said: HO HO Well I turned around an' I said one more time: HO HO Well I turned around an' I said (just for Vinnie): HO HO An' the Northern Lites commenced t' glow WATCH OUT WHERE THE HUSKIES GO AN' DON'T YOU EAT THAT YELLOW SNOW WATCH OUT WHERE THE HUSKIES GO AN' DON'T YOU EAT THAT YELLOW SNOW Well right about that time, people, A fur trapper Who was strictly from commercial (Strictly Commershil) Had the unmedicated audacity to jump up from behind my igyaloo (Peek-a-Boo) And he started in to whippin' on my fav'rite baby seal With a lead-filled snow shoe . . . ([...]) With a lead LEAD Filled LEAD-FILLED With a lead-filled snow shoe SNOW SHOE He said Peak-a-boo PEEK-A-BOO With a lead LEAD Filled LEAD-FILLED With a lead-filled snow shoe SNOW SHOE He said Peak-a-boo. (Butzis too) PEEK-A-BOO He went right up side the head of my favorite baby seal Hit him on the nose, that's right Hit him on the fin, yes He went WHAP! An' that got me just about as evil As an Eskimo boy can be . . . so I bent down 'n I reached down 'n I scooped down An' I gathered up a generous mitten full of the deadly . . . YELLOW SNOW The deadly Yellow Snow from right there where the huskies go (Over by Butzis' room) An' then I proceeded to rub it all into his beady little eyes With a vigorous circular motion Hitherto unknown to the citizens of Canarsie, But destined to take the place of THE MUD SHARK In your mythology THE VIGOROUS CIRCULAR MOTION . . . Here it goes, RUB IT! (HEY . . . HEY . . . HEY . . . ) FZ: Alright, now this is the really exciting part of the show. This is the part I always like the best, because this is where I get to find out what you guys are made of. And you gals, too. This is the part where we have, we are purported to have, audience participation. Now, I know it's a matinee, and y'know, you're probably in a hurry to go get something to EAT, but I figure that this little audience participation that we're gonna do right now is SO TOTALLY STUPID that it's, well just think of it as an aperitivo, y'know what I mean? So, okay, everybody, stand up. Stand up now. Alright, that's very good. OK, a lot of you people are still sitting down, no, don't walk forward, just stand up. Stand where you are. OK, is everybody standing up? Well, most of you are standing up, okay, the ones who aren't standing up, hey, eat chain. Enforced recreation, live on stage in London. Now, we're gonna do away with the fur trapper now, the guy's been hittin' my baby seal quite a bit, baby seal doesn't look too good. Bleeding from the mouth and rectum, looks terminal. So what we're gonna do, is we're altogether gonna jump up and down this sunofabitch, now watch me. I'll do the stupid thing first, and then you shy people follow. Ready? Here we go . . . Hi, are you okay? Angus: Fine FZ: I know . . . Angus: I love you Ike: Relative of Joey Psychotic FZ: Hello, how ya doin'? Angus: Can I come up 'n recite a po-im? FZ: No, but I'll tell you what, you can stay there and recite a poem. Here, what's your name? I'll hold it, it's okay, it might break. Angus: Angus O'Riley O'Patrick McGinty FZ: Don't hold it Denny?: Joey Narcotic Angus: Angus O'Riley O'Patrick McGinty FZ: Wanna recite your, uh, poem now? Angus: Yeah . . . Angus: Burnt wind Heart stinks Charred man Burns Squirm screeing FZ: Is there more? Angus: PAIN! (Yes!) FZ: Very essential. And now . . . thank you! Alright, now, as if, as if that weren't enough, watch this. I'm going to do something completely stupid and then after I demonstrate the stupidity of it all you're gonna do the same thing and that will sort of bind us together in some sort of cosmic, hands across the water, kind of symbolic, kind of . . . just forget it. Okay? Here we go, watch this . . . Denny: It's Jumbo FZ: It's Jumbo, that's right Denny: Jumbo, come back! Now, you pounce And you pounce again Jump up 'n down on the chest of a . . . GREAT GOOGLY-MOOGLY FZ: You're gonna do it too, now. Hey, wasn't that really stupid? Ike: Sure that isn't 'bounce'? FZ: OK, tonight, though, we're, we're adding a new dimension to this. When we get to the fast part, when you jump up and down on the chest of a, we're gonna vamp for an extra coupla bars, now this is very important, bring the band on down behind me, boys, so they can understand this, when the band plays very quietly after we jump up and down on the chest of a, EVERYBODY'S gonna recite a poem, whaddya say? Okay? And I'm gonna be listening. No mistakes. Ready? Now, everybody jumps Now you pounce You pounce again You jump up 'n down on the chest of a, and recite a poem FZ: Wait, wait a minute, wait a minute, I think I like the poem better than the jumping. More poetry, please! Two Guys From The Audience: Rotten gulls beating with large rubber sails! Who cares? Now it is light! FZ: Alone in the hissing laboratory of his wishes, Mr Pugh minces among bad vats and jeroboams, spinneys of murdering herbs, and prepares to compound for Mrs Pugh a venomous porridge hitherto unknown to toxicologists which will scald and viper through her 'til her ears fall off like figs, her toes grow big and black as balloons, and steam comes screaming out of her navel. (Cakes! Cakes! Cakes!) FZ: Now, listen. The f . . . Sit down. The fur trapper was pretty fucked up. He had just been stomped upon and recited to by the entire contents of this audience. And you know what that can do to a guy who's wearing a . . . a PARKA. So he gets up . . . And looks around And looks around And looks around again And then he says (and you can sing along if you know the words) I CAN'T SEE (NO NO NO NO NO . . . YEAH!) I CAN'T SEE (NO NO NO NO NO) I CAN'T SEE (NO NO NO NO NO) I CAN'T SEE (NO NO NO NO NO) He took a dog-doo sno-cone An' stuffed it in my right eye He took a dog-doo sno-cone An' stuffed it in my other eye An' the huskie wee-wee, I mean the doggie wee-wee Has blinded me An', great Googly-Moogly, I can't see Temporarily (This is really stupid, isn't it?) Well, it was at that time that the fur trapper Remembered the ancient Eskimo legend Wherein it is written On whatever it is that they write it on up there That if anything bad ever happens to your eyes As a result of Enforced Recreation Live Onstage In London The only way that you can get it fixed up Is to go trudgin' across the tundra . . . Mile after mile Trudgin' across the tundra . . . Right down to the parish of Saint Alfonzo . . . (What, another poem?) Guy #1: I want a garden. I want a garden where the flowers have no flowers. I want a garden where the trees have no leaves. I want a garden where the tre-weeds don't even grow. I want a garden. I want MY garden. I want a garden where there are no colors. I want to water that garden. I'll garden that with my tears. Whilst that garden busted trees, Busted leaves, water me with my own. FZ: Sounds like a bunch of cakes for me Denny: Oh, you want kindergarten Guy #1: Hah-hah . . . Band Member: Denny strikes! FZ: Not bad, not bad. What's, what's the title of that? Guy #1: Broadmoor FZ: "Broadmoor," alright. Warren, do you know one called Lefrak City? Where's, where's Butzis? Ike: Prob'ly somewhere bendin' over FZ: Where is he? Are you . . . send Malkin up here . . . uh . . . Band Member: He's probably gettin' a hand job FZ: Yeah, I know that's just what I was thinking! Ha ha . . . He's in the lobby getting a blow job. Alright, sorry, maybe next show, we'll find him. One of these days we'll get him up here. Now, some of you people are probably not very religious, and one could hardly blame you. However, those of you who are religious, and who have been paying money into the church for years and years and are still waiting to get your money's worth, here's a little bit of information for ya (I don't know what you're gonna do with this information, but . . . ), Saint Alfonzo is, and probably will continue to be, for the duration of this show, the patron saint of the smelt fishermen of Portuguese extraction. Do you know what Portuguese extraction is? Very good. Anyway, in order that you may reach a higher level of conciousness, which is obviously the aim of our show, Ed Mann, who has been working on this little lick all afternoon, Ed, who only, he's, he's not sick, he only has bad mental health, Ed is going to play THE BIG ALFONZO MOTIF, let's hear it for him! That's right, here we are! At Saint Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast Where I stole the mar-juh-reen An' widdled on the Bingo Cards in lieu of the latrine I saw a handsome parish lady Make her entrance like a queen Why she was totally chenille And her old man was a Marine (Oh, cakes!) As she abused a sausage pattie And said why don't you treat me mean? (Hurt me, hurt me, hurt me, oooooh!) (Pittie! Pattie! Pootie! Bootie-pootie!) At Saint Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast (Hah! Good God! Get off the bus!) Where I stole the mar-juh-reen . . . Saint Alfonzo Saint Alfonzo Saint Alfonzo Saint Alfonzo Ooo-ooo-WAH . . . Father Vivian O'Blivion Resplendent in his frock Was whipping up the batter For the pancakes of his flock He was looking rather bleary (He forgot to watch the clock) 'Cause the night before Behind the door A leprechaun had stroked (he stroked it) . . . The night before Behind the door A leprechaun had stroked (he stroked it) . . . The night before Behind the door A leprechaun had stroked . . . his . . . Sma-ah-ah Ah-ah-ah Ah-ah-ah Ah-ah-ah Ah-ah-ah Ah-ah-ah Ahhh (stroked his smock) Set him off in such a frenzy He sang LOCK AROUND THE CROCK An' he topped it off with a . . . An' he topped it off with a . . . An' he topped it off with a . . . WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO As he stumbled on his COCK (Cakes! Cakes! Cakes! Cakes!) He was delighted as it stiffened And ripped right through his sock Oh, Saint Alfonzo would be proud of me PROUD OF ME PROUD OF ME He shouted down the block Dominus Vo-bisque 'em Et come spear a tu-tu, Oh! Won't you eat my sleazy pancakes Just for Saintly Alfonzo They're so light 'n fluffy-white We'll raise a fortune by tonite They're so light 'n fluffy-white We'll raise a fortune by tonite They're so light 'n fluffy-brown They're the finest in the town They're so light 'n fluffy-brown They're the finest in the town Good morning, your Highness Ooo-ooo-ooo I brought you your snow shoes Ooo-ooo-ooo, yeah! Good morning, your Highness Ooo-ooo-ooo I brought you your snow shoes Ooo-ooo-ooo Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-nanook Na-na-na-na-na-nanook-oh Nanook Rubs it Saint Al Al Fo-fo-fo Fo-fo-fo-fo-fo-fonzo Saint Alfonzo really loves it when he rubs it for him I have seen him rubbin' it I have seen him rubbin' it I have, I have a-seen him stroke his weenie (It was teenie) Rub it, rub it, rub it, rub it, rub Nanook rubs it, Alfie loves it Nanook rubs it, Alfie loves it Nanook rubs it, Alfie loves it Nanook's rubbin' it, 'n Alfie's lovin' it Saint Alfonzo, can you hear us praying to you? Can you fix my Chevy? Boy, you're really heavy Here's the church and here's the steeple Open up and see the people Some are kneelin', some are standin' All the money they are handing To some asshole with a basket Where it goes we dare not ask it Nanook rubs it, Alfie loves it This here basket, really shoves it Here's your quarter, here's your dollar Let's play ring around the collar Hup! Hey, get it now! (Hey, get it now! He took all your little gifts) THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, FRIEND! FZ: Denny, Ikey, Tommy, Eddie, Petey, Vinnie, Artie, Sophia Warren on guitar, I forgot your name on poetry but thanks for reciting it anyway. Thanks for coming to the show, hope you enjoyed it, and, good night! disc 2 1. Plastic People 4:38 (FZ/Richard Berry) * Joe's Corsage * The Old Masters Box One Mystery Disc * Absolutely Free * Mothermania based on Louie Louie (Richard Berry) The Factory, The Bronx, NYC February 13, 1969 FZ--guitar/lead vocal Lowell George--guitar/vocal Roy Estrada--bass/vocal Don Preston--keyboards/electronics Buzz Gardner--trumpet Ian Underwood--alto sax Bunk Gardner--tenor sax Motorhead Sherwood--baritone sax Jimmy Carl Black--drums Arthur Dyer Tripp III--drums Roy?: Eeee! FZ: Alright, there's a green Chevy, license number 650 BN in Barry's lot. Gotta move it. I repeat, there is a green Chevy, license number 650 BN in Barry's lot. Guy #1: There's a '54 out there too, Frank. FZ: There's a what? Guy #1: A '54. FZ: There's a '54 what? Guy #1: A '54 what? Guy #2: Did you announce the action burgers? Guy #3: Action burgers . . . ! Guy #1: It's a Ford-uhhhh . . . FZ: Please, do yourself a favor and move your short before somebody takes it away. They're serving burgers in the back! If you go for burgers, you'll love the burgers here. They have some burgers in this place, when you open 'em up, y'know . . . you hold 'em like this, and go way in the back where nobody can see you. Some people eat them that way. Guy #4: Take 'em back to Philadelphia, Frank! FZ: What? Guy #4: Philadelphia! FZ: What about Philadelphia? Guy #4: Cream cheese. FZ: That's it . . . FZ: Now, if you'll analyze what we're playing here, if you use your ear and listen, you can learn something about music, y'see? "Louie Louie" is the same as the other song with one extra note, see? . . . They're, they're very closely related and they mean just about the same thing. Plastic people You gotta go (Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah) Plastic people You gotta go-UH! A fine little girl She waits for me She's as plastic As she can be She paints her face With plastic goo And wrecks her hair With some shampoo Plastic people You gotta go-UH Plastic people You gotta go (Sure gonna miss ya) Take a day And walk around Watch the nazis Run your town Then go home And check yourself You think we're singing 'Bout someone else . . . but you're Plastic people You gotta go (Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah) Plastic people You gotta go Three nights and days I walk the streets This town is full Of plastic creeps Their shoes are brown To match their suits They got no balls They got no roots . . . because they're Plastic people You gotta go (Sure gonna miss ya, bop, bop, bop) Plastic people You gotta go Me see a neon Moon above I searched for years And found no love I'm sure that love Will never be A product of Plasticity 2. The Torture Never Stops 15:48 * You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 4 * FZ:OZ * Zoot Allures * Zappa In New York * Buffalo * Thing-Fish * The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life includes a quote from Chattanooga Choo Choo (Warren-Gordon) Unknown venue c. February-March, 1978 FZ--lead guitar/lead vocal Adrian Belew--guitar/vocal Tommy Mars--keyboards/vocal Peter Wolf--keyboards Ed Mann--percussion Patrick O'Hearn--bass Terry Bozzio--drums Flies all green 'n buzzin' in his dungeon of despair Prisoners grumble and piss their clothes and scratch their matted hair A tiny light from a window hole a hundred yards away Is all they ever get to know about the regular life in the day; An' it stinks so bad the stones been chokin' 'N weepin' greenish drops In the room where the giant fire puffer works 'N the torture never stops The torture never stops The torture The torture The torture never stops. Slime 'n rot, rats 'n snot 'n vomit on the floor Fifty ugly soldiers, man, holdin' spears by the iron door Knives 'n spikes 'n guns 'n the likes of every tool of pain An' a sinister midget with a bucket an' a mop A sinister midget with a bucket an' a mop A sinister midget with a bucket an' a mop Where the blood goes down the drain; An' it stinks so bad the stones been chokin' 'N weepin' greenish drops In the room where the giant fire puffer works 'N the torture never stops The torture never stops The torture The torture The torture never stops. Flies all green 'n buzzin' in his dungeon of despair An evil prince eats a steamin' pig in a chamber right near there He eats the snouts 'n the trotters first The loin's 'n the groin's is soon dispersed His carvin' style is well rehearsed He stands and shouts All men be cursed All men be cursed All men be cursed All men be cursed And disagree Hey, nobody would disagree with him! No-one durst He's the best of course of all the worst (He's the best of course of all the worst) Some wrong been done, he done it first (Some wrong been done, he done it first) An' he stinks so bad, his bones been chokin' 'N weepin' greenish drops, In the night of the iron sausage, Where the torture never stops The torture never stops The torture The torture The torture never stops Torture time now! Flies all green 'n buzzin' in his dungeon of despair Who are all these people that he's locked away down there Are they crazy?, Are they sainted? Are they zeros someone painted?, Well, it's never been explained since at first it was created But a dungeon just like a sin Requires naught but lockin' in Of everything that's ever been Look at her Look at him That's what's the deal we're dealing in That's what's the deal we're dealing in That's what's the deal we're dealing in That's what's the deal we're dealing in Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh! 3. Fine Girl 2:55 * Tinsel Town Rebellion Parco Redecesio, Milan July 7, 1982 FZ--guitar/lead vocal Ray White--guitar/vocal Steve Vai--stunt guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax/vocal Ed Mann--percussion Scott Thunes--bass/vocal Chad Wackerman--drums Well, yeah, well Oh yeah She was a fine girl She could get down wit de get down All de way down She do yer laundry She change a tire Chop a little wood for de fire Poke it around . . . if it died down Oh yeah She was a fine girl She go up in the mornin' She go down in the evenin' . . . all de way down She do your dishes If you wishes Silverware too She make it look brand new . . . when she get through Oh yeah She was a fine girl Outa this world Well, yeah, well, yeah, well, yeah, well Oh yeah (Oh yeah, yeah!) She was a fine girl (Fine gi-rl!) She could get down (Woo-hoo!) Wit de get down All de way down (Yeah!) She do your laundry (I don't like laundry!) She change a tire (Why, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah . . . ) Chop a little wood for de fire (Ooh) Poke it around . . . if it died down Oh yeah (Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!) She was a fine girl (Fine girl, hey) With a lovely smile With a bucket on her head Fulla water from de well She could run a mile Oh yeah (Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!) She wouldn't spill a drop It'd stay on top Her head was kinda flat But her hair covered that She was a fine girl (Fine girl, fine girl, hey) Didn't need no school She was built like a mule With a thong sandal (Woo-hoo!) It wasn't no kinda job she could not handle She could get down . . . (Get do-win!) Wit de get down (Yeah yeah yeah) All de way down (Wooh!) We need some more like dat In dis kinda town (Well, we . . . ) We need some more like dat In dis kinda town (Well, we . . . ) We need some more like dat In dis kinda town (Well, we . . . ) We need some more like dat In dis kinda town 4. Zomby Woof 5:39 * Over-Nite Sensation * The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life Parco Redecesio, Milan, Italy July 7, 1982 Guitar solo: Hammersmith Odeon, London, UK June 19, 1982; late show FZ--lead guitar/vocal Ray White--guitar/vocal Steve Vai--stunt guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax/lead vocal Ed Mann--percussion Scott Thunes--bass/vocal Chad Wackerman--drums Three hundred years ago I thought I might get some sleep I stretched myself out onna antique bed An' my spirit did a midnite creep You know I'll never sleep no more It seem to me that it just ain't wise Didja ever wake up in the mornin' With a ZOMBY WOOF behind your eyes Just about as evil as you could be I am the ZOMBY WOOF I'm that creature all the ladies been Talkin' about I am the ZOMBY WOOF They all seek for shelter when I come chargin' out Tellin' you all the Zomby troof Here I'm is, the ZOMBY WOOF Tellin' you all the Zomby troof Here I'm is . . . Reety-awrighty, he da ZOMBY WOOF Reety-awrighty, he da ZOMBY WOOF They said aw-reety An' they was aw-righty An' I was a Zomby for you, little lady . . . I got a great big pointed fang Which is my Zomby Toof My right foot's bigger than my other one is Like a reg'lar Zomby Hoof If I raid your dormitorium Don't try to remain aloof . . . I might snatch you up screamin' through the window all nekkid An' do it to you up on the roof, don't mess with the ZOMBY WOOF, no . . . I am about as bad as a Boogie Man can be! Tellin' you all the Zomby Troof Here I'm is, the ZOMBY WOOF Tellin' you all the Zomby Troof Here I'm is, the ZOMBY WOOF 5. Sweet Leilani 2:39 (Harry Owens) The Ballroom, Stratford, Connecticut February 16, 1969 FZ--guitar/voice Lowell George--guitar Roy Estrada--bass Don Preston--keyboards/electronics Buzz Gardner--trumpet Ian Underwood--alto sax Bunk Gardner--tenor sax Motorhead Sherwood--baritone sax Jimmy Carl Black--drums Arthur Dyer Tripp III--drums Emcee: The Mothers Of Invention. Guy In The Audience: Turn it on! FZ: It's on. Mother: That's one of our mics, isn't it? These two? FZ: "Sweet Leilani." In A. Just pretend it was thirty years ago, and this was the first song of the night for the kind of a band that your mother and father used to go and cream over. 6. Oh No 4:34 * Lumpy Gravy * Weasels Ripped My Flesh * Ahead Of Their Time * Roxy & Elsewhere * Make A Jazz Noise Here The Ballroom, Stratford, Connecticut February 16, 1969 FZ--lead guitar Lowell George--guitar/güiro Roy Estrada--bass Don Preston--keyboards/electronics Buzz Gardner--trumpet Ian Underwood--alto sax Bunk Gardner--tenor sax Motorhead Sherwood--tambourine Jimmy Carl Black--drums Arthur Dyer Tripp III--drums 7. Be In My Video 3:29 * Them Or Us includes a quote from Let's Dance (Bowie) Backstage 1970: Aynsley Dunbar and two unknown girls The Pier, NYC August 26, 1984 FZ--lead vocal Ike Willis--vocal Ray White--guitar/vocal Bobby Martin--keyboards/tenor sax/vocal Alan Zavod--keyboards Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums Aynsley: Yeah . . . Girl #1: I would go to Orlando if you, uh, would let me on your plane. Girl #2: That's what I said about this. Aynsley: You gonna gimme a quick knob-job, then, on the way down? Girl #1: Sure. Girl #2: That's the price. Aynsley: Yeah? Girl #1: Sure. Guy #1: This guy's crude! Girl #2: You know, there's always a catch. Aynsley: She'll come down, she'll come down. We might as well get it. You'll do the whole band? Girl #1: Sure. Aynsley: Yeah? Be in my video, Darling, every night I will rent a cage for you And mi j-i-nits dressed in white (teeny-little-tiny-little . . . ) Twirl around in a lap dissolve Pretend to sing the words I'll rent a gleaming limousine; Release a flock of Ber-herna-herna-herna Herna-her-nerds Why don't you Wear a leather collar And a dagger in your ear (Stabbinitin-stabbinitin-stabbinitin-stabbinitin-YOU!) I will make you smell the glove And try to look sincere, then we'll Dance the blues (Oh yes, we'll dance the blues) Let's dance the blues (What a terrific idea!) Let's dance the blues (Oh, you'll love it, it's a way of life) Under the megawatt moonlight Pretend to be Chinese, (One-hung-low) I'll make you wear red shoes There's a cheesy atom bomb explosion All the big groups use Atomic light will shine Through an old venetian blind Making patterns on your face, An' then it cuts to outer space With its billions & billions & Billions & billions (Oh, be) Be in my video (In my video) Darling, every night (Darling, every night) Everyone in cable-land (Everyone in cable-gable-land) Will say you're 'outa-site' (Will say you're really 'outa-site') You can show your legs (You can show your pretty legs) While you're getting in the car, then (In my red hot-rod car, then I . . . ) I will look repulsive (With my big ears and all) While I mangle my guitar Reen-toon-teen-toon-teen-toon Tee-nu-nee-nu-nee, Moo-ahhhh Reen-toon-teen-toon-teen-toon Tee-nu-nee-nu-nee, Moo-moo-ahhhh Reen-toon-teen-toon-teen-toon Tee-nu-nee-nu-nee, Moo-ahhhh Tee-nu-nee----moo-ahhhh Tee-nu-nee----moo-wah-wah-wah-ooo After all the close-up shots Of you in bondage leather They'll spray an alley with a hose And then we'll MINE THE HARBOR Dance de blude agin Led dance de blude agin (oh, yeah) Led dance de blude agin In de middle o' de alley Let's dance your face Let's dance your lips Let's dance your nose And then we'll dance your sinus It's definitely a case of MOO-AHHHH! 8. The Deathless Horsie 5:29 * Halloween * Shut Up 'N Play Yer Guitar Some More The Pier, NYC August 26, 1984 FZ--lead guitar Ike Willis--guitar Ray White--guitar Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax Alan Zavod--keyboards Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums 9. The Dangerous Kitchen 1:49 * The Man From Utopia The Pier, NYC August 26, 1984 FZ--lead vocal Ike Willis--vocal Ray White--guitar/vocal Bobby Martin--keyboards Alan Zavod--keyboards Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums The dangerous kitchen If it aint't one thing it's another In the middle of the night when you come home The bread things are all dry 'n scratchy The meat things where the cats ate through the paper The soft little things on the floor that you step on They can all be DANGEROUS Sometimes The milk can hurt you (If you put it on your cereal Before you smell the plastic container) And the stuff in the strainer Has a mind of its own So be very careful In the dangerous kitchen When the night time has fallen And the roaches are crawlin' In the kitchen of danger You can feel like a stranger The bananas are black They got flies in the back And also the chicken In the dish with the foil Where the cream is all clabbered And the salad is frightful Your return in the evening Can be less than delightful You must walk very careful You must not lean against it It can get on your clothing It can follow you in As you walk to the bedroom And you take all your clothes off While you're sleeping It crawls off It gets in your bed It could get on your face then It could eat your complexion You could die from the danger Of the dangerous kitchen Who the fuck wants to clean it? It's disgusting and dirty The sponge on the drainer Is stinky and squirty If you squeeze it when you wipe up What you get on your hands then Could unbalance your glands and Make you blind or whatever . . . In the dangerous kitchen At my house tonight 10. Dumb All Over 4:20 * You Are What You Is * Have I Offended Someone? includes quotes from Manx Needs Women and a Hawaiian Punch commercial The Palladium, NYC October 31, 1981; early show FZ--lead vocal Ray White--guitar/vocal Steve Vai--stunt guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax/vocal Ed Mann--percussion Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums Hotel room mo-mo-mo-mom mo-mo-mom Hotel room mo-mo-mo-mom mo-mo-mom Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay! Whoever we are Wherever we're from We shoulda noticed by now Our behavior is dumb And if our chances Expect to improve It's gonna take a lot more Than tryin' to remove The other race Or the other whatever From the face Of the planet altogether They call it THE EARTH Which is a dumb kinda name But they named it right 'Cause we behave the same . . . We are dumb all over Dumb all over, Yes we are Dumb all over, Near 'n far Dumb all over, Black 'n white People, we is not wrapped tight Nurds on the left Nurds on the right Religious fanatics On the air every night Sayin' the Bible Tells the story 'N makes the details Sound real gory 'Bout what to do If the geeks over there Don't believe in the book You got over here You can't run a race Without no feet 'N pretty soon There won't be no street For dummies to jog on Or doggies to dog on Religious fanatics Can make it be all gone (It won't blow up 'N disappear It'll just look ugly For a thousand years . . . ) You can't run a country By a book of religion Not by a heap Or a lump or a smidgeon Of foolish rules Of ancient date Designed to make You all feel great While you fold, spindle And mutilate Those unbelievers From a neighboring state TO ARMS! TO ARMS! Hooray! That's great Two legs ain't bad Unless there's a crate They ship the parts To mama in For souvenirs: two ears (Get Down!) Not his, not hers (but what the hey?) The Good Book says: "It gotta be that way!" But their book says: "REVENGE THE CRUSADES . . . With whips 'n chains 'N hand grenades . . . " TWO ARMS? TWO ARMS? Have another and another Our God says: "There ain't no other!" Our God says "It's all okay!" Our God says "This is the way!" It says in the book: "Burn 'n destroy . . . Repent, 'n redeem 'N revenge, 'n deploy 'N rumble thee forth To the land of the unbelieving scum on the other side 'Cause they don't go for what's in the book 'N that makes 'em BAD So verily we must choppeth them up And stompeth them down Or rent a nice French bomb To poof them out of existance While leaving their real estate just where we need it To use again For temples in which to praise OUR GOD ("Cause he can really GO HAWAIIAN!") And when his humble TV servant With a brown suit, Glasses, Maybe a blonde wife who takes phone calls Tells us it's okay to do this stuff Then we gotta do it, 'Cause if we don't do it, We ain't gwine up to hebbin! Ain't that right? It's right. I mean, seriously, This television evangelist stuff is DANGEROUS BUSINESS. Don't let 'em get ya. Anyway, listen. We can't really be dumb If we're just following God's Orders After all He wrote this book here An' in the book it says: "He made us all to be just like Him," so . . . If we're dumb . . . Then God is dumb . . . (An' maybe even a little ugly on the side) DUMB ALL OVER A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE DUMB ALL OVER A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE 11. Heavenly Bank Account 4:05 * You Are What You Is The Palladium, NYC October 31, 1981; early show FZ--lead vocal Ray White--guitar/lead vocal Steve Vai--stunt guitar Tommy Mars--keyboards Bobby Martin--keyboards/sax/vocal Ed Mann--percussion Scott Thunes--bass Chad Wackerman--drums And if these words you do not heed Your pocketbook just kinda might recede When some man comes along and claims a godly need He will clean you out right through your tweed That's right, remember there is a big difference between kneeling down and bending over . . . He's got twenty million dollars In his Heavenly Bank Account . . . All from those chumps who was Born again Oh yeah, oh yeah He's got seven limousines And a private plane . . . All for the use of his Special Friends Oh yeah, oh yeah He's got thousand-dollar suits And a Wembley Tie . . . Girls love to stroke it While he's on the phone Oh yeah, oh yeah At the House of Representatives He's a groovy guy . . . When he Gives Thanks He is not alone . . . He is dealin' He is really dealin' IRS can't determine Where The Hook is It is easy with the Bible To pretend that You're in Show Biz (And a-one, and a-two, and a . . . ) They won't get him They will never get him For the naughty stuff That he did (No no no no, no no no no . . . ) It is best in cases like this To pretend that You are stupid (DOH . . . ) He's got Presidential Help All along the way He says the grace While the lawyers chew Oh yeah They sure do And the Governors agree to say: "He's a lovely man!" He makes it easier for Them to screw All of you . . . Yes, that's true! 'Cause he helps put The Fear of God In the Common Man Snatchin' up money Everywhere he can Oh yeah Oh yeah He's got twenty million dollars In his Heavenly Bank Account You ain't got nothin', people (TAX THE CHURCHES!) You ain't got nothin', people (TAX THE BUSINESSES OWNED BY THE CHURCHES!) You ain't got nothin', people Thank the man . . . oh yeah That's right You ain't got nothin' And they got it all And your miserable ass Is up against the wall The only thing you have not tried It's the sport of chumps And that's SUICIDE 12. Suicide Chump 4:56 * Halloween * You Are What You Is The Palladium, NYC October 31, 1981; early show FZ--lead vocal Ray White--guitar solo/vocal Steve Vai--stunt guitar Tommy Mars--keyboard solo Bobby Martin--keyboards/tenor sax solo/vocal Ed Mann--percussion Scott Thunes--bass/vocal Chad Wackerman--drums You say there ain't no use in livin' It's all a waste of time 'N you wanna throw your life away, well People that's just fine Go ahead on 'n get it over with then Find you a bridge 'n take a jump Just make sure you do it right the first time 'Cause nothin's worse than a Suicide Chump You say there ain't no light a-shinin' Through the bushes up ahead 'N we're all gonna be so sorry When we find out you are dead Go head on 'n get it over with then Find you a bridge 'n take a jump Just make sure you do it right the first time 'Cause nothin's worse than a Suicide Chump Now maybe you're scared of jumpin' 'N poison makes you sick But you want a little attention 'N you need it pretty quick Don't wanna mess your face up Or we won't know if it's you Aw, there's just so much to worry about Now what you gonna do? Go ahead on 'n get it over with then Find you a bridge 'n take a jump Just make sure you do it right the first time 'Cause nothin's worse than a Suicide Chump (Oh, tell 'em one time!) Maybe you're scared of jumpin' 'N poison makes you sick But you want a little attention 'N you need it pretty quick Don't wanna mess your face up Or we won't know if it's you Aw, there's just so much to worry about Now what you gonna do? Go head on 'n get it over with then Go head on 'n get it over with then Go head on 'n get it over with then Go head on 'n get it over with then Go head on 'n get it over with then Go head on 'n get it over with then Go head on 'n get it over with then You're on the brid

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FrOggeh (2008-05-20)

Mint, Zappa you legend. I can't believe this man never did drugs. With that tash!!! pffff....

Harry Q Hammer (2009-07-30)

Vomiting is clever.

Harry Q Hammer (2009-07-30)

This is why there should be a size limit on the description.

ElusianGhost (2010-05-08)

!!SEED!!

VR (2010-07-23)

I had this on cassette when it first came out when the record stores Penguin Feather were still around, yes I'm an old foot. I have yet to find the original recording anywhere, everything has been cut and mixed together.
This is a gem to find and closest to the original if I remember correctly Frank called Dweezil out on stage to play Sharleena he must have been about 17 or 18 back then, this version doesn't have it. But kudos for the up, can't to hear the sound quality. Thanks.